Missing our Lee Lee

It's that time of year again. Time for Hailee to go on a mission trip with our church and the group of middle school kids. Last year was her first adventure. She had a wonderful time and came home with a ton of stories and a renewed feeling of self worth. No mother and father in their right minds would deny their child that experience.

I remember being miserable when she was gone last year. To the point I didn't want to leave my house because I needed to be a Mom of 4, not 3. I know it sounds weird, but, well, it just felt different. She has always been around as our family has grown and it wasn't like she was just spending the night somewhere for one night, she was gone last year for 7 days. We all missed her terribly. So much so, that Dominic wouldn't talk to her when she came back home. He was mad because she left him. LOL!

This year, it is just a 5 day trip. I know it is a temporary break and I realize that sometimes that "know it all" attitude and her constant eye rolls bug me more than anything, but right now, I wouldn't mind so much getting an eye roll. Our house dynamics change with out her, as I am sure they would with out any one of the kids. Everything is off kilter. It's truly a sign we were meant to be a family of 6. I'm just missing her right now, even though I would never deny her this trip, this experience, or a chance to get away from US. She needs the break as well, it's obviously time for her to grow up. As much as I want to, I can't stop the aging process.

I miss you Lee...I hope you are having the time of your life.

That's sign language in our house.

Today was Hailee's confirmation. As I sat in church thinking back over the past 13 years and how far I've come as a parent, how far Hailee has come as our daughter and how much our lives changed in these past 13 or so years, I looked down trying not to cry. I see Joey out of the corner of my eye playing with paper. I thought "no big deal, he's quiet in Church right now, not disrupting Pastor Kathy or anyone else and not fidgeting." WAIT...that means something is wrong. Seriously wrong. Panic starts to rush over me and I automatically tune out what Kathy is saying...or whoever it was reading at the time. I can't tell you who is around me all of a sudden, because, all I see is Joey finishing up his paper air plane he just constructed out of the prayer cards in the pew. The evil grin of "haaaahaaa, look out below" rushes over his face and I feel all the blood rush to my head. I have two options, pass out or stop the boy in his tracks. Only, I'm frozen. I see him start to pull his arm back, still with his evil grin on his face. Right before launch, he decided to look at me out of the corner of his eye to see if he is going to be able to get away with this or not. Our eyes meet. I don't remember saying anything, but I remember showing my clenched teeth. That's sign language in our house. It means, DO IT AND DIE. Suddenly, the evil grin is gone, his head hangs in disbelief. I know what he's thinking. He's thinking "Man, if I didn't look at her, I would be sailing this plane right through our service." Supermom kicked in and that little piece of paper became mine. Phew, I survived that one.

The kids were called up to leave for Children's church and while we had every intention of having Joey stay with us to see his sister make her Confirmation, I asked him to leave. I'm not really sure what I was thinking to begin with. Of course he wouldn't sit with us that long...and behave at the same time. "See ya soon, sucker", that was the look I got as he was walking out past me.

After service, Joey came running up to show me the craft he worked on in Children's Church. What did they make? YUP, paper airplanes. Maybe God really does have a sense of humor.

What have I done?

There are often times during the course of the year I ask myself "What have I done to deserve this?" Today is one of those days. Today is a day when I seriously consider selling my son on the black market. Of course, I would never. I am grateful to have him in my life, to be his Mom, to be the one he sings his "Nite nite" song to every night and I get to be smothered in his snot nosed kisses - but still, I consider it, if even for just a second. I need something to get me through moments like this. Right? I can't be alone...can I?

Today, I am on a serious mission to clean my craft room of all of the stuff that has piled up in here. Tomorrow is trash pick up, so I've got to get this done. That means I put the boy in charge of himself. I fully expected to be shot at 900 times by anything he can make into a gun, to have bombs (hard golf balls) thrown at me and to be sliced by the light saber at least 12 dozen times. This is typical in this house.

About 1 1/2 hours into my cleaning, I realize, nothing has happened. I've not been shot, I'm not sporting any new bumps from bombs being thrown and I'm still whole. Something is wrong...very, very wrong.

Along with eating almost a dozen donuts that were in the fridge, the boy helped himself to some chocolate syrup. Oh, but he was thoughtful. He made a cup for me too.

Kids...gotta love em!

Hoppy Easter!

This weekend was jam packed with Easter activities. So, I'll just post some pictures for you to enjoy. Haahaa! Not much funny happened, we were much too busy to notice if it did.

Easter Eggs we colored.

Easter Egg hunt at church. Hailee decided to sit this one out since, well, you know, she is a teenager. She tells me that with an eyeroll. LOL!

Easter Sunday.

Every year at our church, the kids decorate the cross. Being Catholic for 29 years, this was something strange when I first saw it being done, but it is now one of my favorite parts of Easter. I love going to our "new" church (no longer catholic) and seeing the decorated cross. I played with the sky on a photo editing site and thought this looks pretty cool.

The Emergency Kit

Last night we were supposed to get "the storm of the century" the way the weathermen were acting. Severe thunderstorms and the possibility of a tornado. Great, a sleepless night, much like the night before. Where we live, the tornado sirens go off as soon as a storm starts brewing. No one here takes the sirens seriously - unless you are a kid. We were even chatting on facebook making fun of the storms and teasing about twisters sweeping us away and being found "in the rubble with stubble". That still makes me laugh to type that.

Anyway, as predicted, the sirens started going off before it started to rain. No biggie. I told the kids they would hear the sirens and not to freak. They had flash lights for when the power would go out. It always does here, no storm needed. I turned on the news and it was just a warning for the thunderstorms that were on the way. I went to the girls room to let them know it's ok and I was going to bed. The boys were sound asleep.

A few minutes later, all 4 kids came into our room, with the dog and all of their worldly possessions. Sirens were sounding, thunderstorms were in full effect and the wind had picked up big time. I turn on the TV and sure enough we have a tornado warning. The funny thing is though, the weathermen were saying it probably wouldn't happen, but because the wind was blowing so fast, they issued a warning for the entire viewing area anyway. *SIGH* All this for no reason. Whatever, better safe than sorry. I don't mind my kids coming into my room when they feel scared, so we listened to John snore (he had no idea the kids and dog were even in the room) and watched the weather report.

I looked in the girls "emergency kits" they packed. I was shocked at the differences in what these two packed. In Hanna's bag (the 10 year old), there was her nebulizer, albuterol, pictures of my Mom, extra insulin for me, her blankie, a stuffed animal, a cross she received from our Pastor almost 6 years ago and a wallet with more change in it than I'd care to count. Time to look in Hailee's bag! Hanna was laughing hard and rolling her eyes when I looked in Hailee's bag. I knew this was going to be good. In Hailee's bag (the 13 year old), I found her camera, cell phone, charger, make up, make up remover, zit cream, flat iron and toilet paper. I had to explain that if there was a tornado, we'd be without power so none of these things would be needed. I was cracking up. She responds with "Even in an emergency, you gotta look good and still be able to wipe your butt."

Let me get serious for a minute.

It's not often that I am serious. I don't like being serious, there is too much stress in the "real world" to read about it on a blog or on facebook, but today, I'm serious.

I learned this morning that someone from our church passed away very unexpectedly last night. He was a great man, very involved in church, always greeted us with a smile and even commented to me how great it was to see us back in church. We were AWOL for a while. He didn't say it to make us feel uncomfortable, he said it because he was truly happy to see us back. He made EVERYONE feel welcome, even if you have never stepped foot in the church doors before. I didn't know a lot about him or his wife, I only knew that they were both great people, had a decent sized family and loved their church family. Woody will be missed by so many people. I can't imagine what his wife is going through today...and will continue to go through for some time now. I hope she knows how many lives Woody has touched, just by being him. I'm saddened by the news of his passing, as I'm sure a lot of others are as well.

This made me realize just how short life is, how it can change in an instant. Woody's death wasn't planned, it wasn't supposed to happen now. All I can think about is my husband. Does he realize what he means to me, to us? Does he know how much we count on him? Do I tell him enough how wonderful I think he is? Do I tell him and show him how much I love him? I know that the sound of him snoring at night makes me go crazy and I want nothing but to put the pillow over his face to stop him from doing it...but how would I feel if the snoring stopped? I don't think I could go on. Well, obviously, I would have to, but how?

My Dad passed away when I was 21, I watched my Mom let herself go after losing him. She passed away 10 years after him. For some reason, probably because I was caught up in being a new wife, trying to start my own family, I didn't realize what my Mom went through. It didn't really seem like life was really short. My dad was only 47 years old when he died. For some reason, at 21, I didn't see any of this. Now, it's all I can think about. 47 years old. That would be 11 years from now. I can't imagine leaving my kids and my life ending before it even begins. Why I see it today, I have no idea.

If you know me, you know I'm not a mushy, lovey dovey person. I rarely show affection towards people other than our kids. Here I sit though, wondering, have I told John enough? I know I haven't. Heck, I was screaming at him all night to turn over and STFU. Today, I sit here thankful he is answering my text messages. I look at the beautiful roses he got me last night and think "Thank you, God, for bringing him into my life"...but do I tell HIM that? Nope.

So, with that, I'll tell him more, I'll try to stop bitching about his snoring, and I won't take him for granted. I'll show him how thankful I am to have him in my life, I'll show him and tell him how much I really love him. How much I admire him and how proud I am of him. I don't think he could ever fully understand how much he means to me, or even know how much I truly love him. I don't think there are enough ways to tell him, enough words in the dictionary. He is the kind of man people dream of having. Hard working, loving, caring, spoils me...and I take it for granted on some days. I realized today it's time I start showing him, because, God forbid, what if tomorrow never comes?

Hug your loved ones...

I just don't even know what to say.

Joey and Hanna were in his room playing hospital. Joey was the patient with a head injury. You see, Dominic shot Joey in the head with his toy gun. The same toy gun he held to my forehead this morning and started shooting at me (as I slept) and sweetly asked for breakfast.

Having no bandages in the hospital, Joey resorted to the closest thing he could find.

The wide eyes...that was the expression when I told him what his bandage is really used for!!! You just can't make this stuff up.